Similarities and Family
by sleepingdreams
Summary: After a case hits close to home, Ziva goes into a downward spiral. Who will save her from herself? Will it be in time? Rated M for self harm
1. Chapter 1

As the bourbon slid unceremoniously down her throat, she felt almost instant comfort. _I am spending too much time with Gibbs_, she thought to herself sourly as took another swig before carefully placing the bottle on the glass table in front of her. The team caught a particularly rough case. A teenage girl, 16 years in age, had been caught in an explosion of an abandoned warehouse. Her sister, being the girl's only living family, had been devastated. Ziva had put on her Mossad face, keeping all her emotions in check, not allowing any of her teammates to see her vulnerability. No one had thought that she would have a problem; no one thought about the case and its similarity to Ziva's own experiences, and for that, she was grateful.

The case was closed. Homegrown terrorists had been using the abandoned warehouse for their headquarters and the young girl had stumbled upon it unconsciously. She was an innocent bystander, and it killed Ziva to see another woman broken and shattered like she herself felt. Ziva had rushed to finish her paperwork and did all but sprint out of the office.

McGee and Gibbs were all still at the office finishing paperwork. Tony had been pacing the office and Abby sat quietly spinning in Tony's chair. He saw one of Ziva's desk drawers partially open and curiously opened it. Inside was a picture yellow with age. Tony looked at it and broke the silence in the bullpen. "I didn't know Ziva knew the victim in the Reagan case." Three pairs of eyes looked at him from their respective desks as he held up the picture in response to their questioning looks. "That's Ziva in the middle of a young girl, who looks remarkably like the vic, and a young boy, who looks strangely like Ari."

"Shit," muttered Gibbs as McGee got up to see the picture. "Tim, sit. Tony, that's not the vic; that's Tali, her sister who died at 16. She was killed in an explosion in a market in Israel. And yes, that's Ari. She was Ari's sister and control officer. Before you get outraged, Dinozzo, she killed him. I didn't."

Abby looked from the photo to the older man. "Oh my god. She told me about Tali. How could I have not seen the similarities? Is she okay? When did she leave?"

Tony was still processing information. "She killed him?"

"Yes, Dinozzo. She shot Ari because he was going to shoot me. We kept it out of the report because she is Mossad and it was for her safety. Her father would have her killed for killing a fellow Mossad agent, especially since Ari was his son. Abby, call Ziva now. Tony, do not leave this building until you can control your emotion whether it be worry or anger. She needs us as a comfort not to scream at her for keeping a secret. Got it?"

"On it, Boss." Abby spoke as she quickly dialed Ziva's cell from memory. Tony simply nodded still trying to digest the information. His partner had killed her brother to save his boss—their boss—and had kept it a secret for over 3 years. He didn't understand how she had managed to keep something that big a secret for so long, but after all, she was his crazy ninja chick. She could do anything.

"Phone's off." Abby stated as she dialed Ziva's house.

The ringing of her home phone was the last thing Ziva heard before she slipped into unconsciousness, the knife dropping from her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ziva! Ziva! Open the door." Gibbs shouted through the locked door of her apartment. _Crap! She never locks the door. This can't be good. _ His phone started ringing as he knocked furiously on the door.

"What Abs?"

"She's not answering cell or home. Gibbs, I'm worried."

"I know Abs." He said as he flipped the phone closed while searching through his pockets for his key ring. His hands were shaking as he tried to find Ziva's apartment key. "Come on. Come on. Come on," he whispered as he tried to find the one that fit.

Finally with the door open, Gibbs rushed inside and Ziva laid against the couch, unconscious, her forearms drenched in blood. He noted the knife under the coffee table and the bottle of bourbon. Running to the kitchen to grab towels to temporarily bandage the wound, he dialed Tony's number as he picked Ziva's limp body off the floor and rushed to his car.

"Tony! Tony!"

"Boss?"  
"Get the team. Meet me at Bethesda now. Ziva's hurt."


	3. Chapter 3

"He called me Tony. McGoo, do you know the last time he used my first name? I don't even remember." Tony was trying to break the unbearable silence in the car as he, Abby, McGee, and Duckie drove the hospital. Despite his rambling, he was thinking, _shit if Gibbs is worried, this is going to be bad. _

Before the car even had time to stop, Abby was running into the hospital in her 5-inch platform heels. No one understood how she could possibly walk, much less run, but everyone knew this was not the time to ask. Abby and Ziva had become close friends after Ziva's "dead man walking." They had sleepovers and shared secrets. Ziva had grown to trust Abby with her heart, and as much as it had shocked the perky Goth, Abby would do everything to protect that trust.

She wasn't paying attention to where she was going or to the three men chasing behind her. She wanted to find Ziva and make sure she was okay. Abby nearly toppled into an unsuspecting nurse, who took one look at Abby and decided against admonishing her for running in a hospital. "Can I help you, miss?"

"I'm looking for an Officer Ziva David, spelled like David, pronounced Daveed."

"Are you immediate family?"

Without even the slightest hesitation, all four of them replied "yes" and were quickly shown to Ziva's room, where Gibbs sat quietly at her bedside holding her small, fragile hand in his larger, calloused one.

Abby gasped. She couldn't bear the sight of her best friend laying unconscious in a hospital bed with bandaged forearms and IVs and immediately turned into Tim's arms for comfort as Duckie rested his hand on her shoulder offering as much comfort as he could. Tony stepped slowly up to Ziva's bedside, opposite Gibbs.

"What happened?" Tony choked out.

"Abby, sit down." Gibbs spoke softly but with enough force that Abby knew it wasn't an option. Taking Gibbs' seat, Abby held Ziva's hand and squeezed it, praying to every god she could think of that there would be a squeeze back. She let out a deep breath and slowly asked, "What happened?"

"Excessive blood loss due to self-inflicted wounds"

"Boss, are you saying she did this to herself?"

"Unfortunately, yes. It also looks as though this hasn't been the first time. She has scars that look to be years old."

Tony, McGee, and Duckie were shocked beyond words. How was it possible that the strong Israeli ninja could be hurting so badly without anyone noticing? They were investigators; they were trained to see things others couldn't; yet they had all missed what was right in front of them.

Abby stared at the bed silently carefully running her fingers up Ziva's forearms. "Is she going to be okay?" Her whisper was barely heard over the hum of the machines.

"Doctors say she should wake up soon." Gibbs responded. He couldn't forgive himself. He spent so much time with Ziva during this case. How had he of all people not seen her distress? Looking at Abby, his heart broke. He thought of the Goth as a daughter and would do anything to see her smile, though it usually didn't take much more than a Caf Pow. He knew this was something he wasn't going to be able to fix.

"McGee, take Tony to Abby's apartment. Get her a bag of clothes, 2 or 3 days worth, and bring Bert. Also, go to Ziva's place. Bring her a bag of clothes as well. Tony knows what she's comfortable in. Bring both back here. I doubt Abby will be leaving until Ziva does."

"On it, Boss." McGee replied as he gently pulled Tony from Ziva's bedside.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ziva had been unconscious for 27 hours now. Abby watched every hour click by as she held Ziva's hand.

"Ziva, please. You have to wake up. You can't leave me. Cate is gone and I finally found someone who could fill the hole she left, and now you are hanging in the balance. I can't take it. Please, Z. Wake up please!" Abby squeezed Ziva's hand and brought it to her cheek. She felt the hand slowly wipe away her tears and gasped. "ZIVA!! NURSE!! She's awake! Oh my god. Thank you! I'm so sorry Zi. I should have made the connections; I should have seen how you were feeling. Oh my god, you are awake!" Abby spoke rapidly until she was out of breath. The nurse smiled at the Goth's excitement while checking Ziva's vitals.

"Everything seems to check out. We will want to keep you overnight for observation and a doctor will be in to see you shortly. You have had a lot of visitors, Miss David. Your family, especially this young woman, have been here quite frequently. And if I'm not mistaken, she hasn't left your bedside since you arrived." Abby blushed and looked towards the bed as the nurse walked out of the room, closing the sliding door behind her.

"How long have I been here? What happen… Oh," Ziva whispered as she looked down at her bandage-covered forearms.

"27 hours, 43 minutes. Why Ziva?" Abby replied looking Ziva directly in the eyes before quietly saying, "I could have lost you."

"I am sorry, Abigail. I was overwhelmed with the case and memories of Tali. I was in so much pain."

"You could have told me. You know I would have dropped everything to help you. How long?"  
"How long what?" Ziva questioned, avoiding the statement Abby made.

"How long have you been cutting again?"

"Abby, I…" Ziva started but was cut off.

"No. You don't get to put up your wall and block me out, not after I watched my best friend almost die."

"I did not feel that I deserved your friendship or your help, Abby. I let my little sister die. I killed my brother in cold blood. Then having to tell that woman that her sister, the only family she had left, died because she was an innocent bystander and happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, brought back so many memories. I could not look at myself in the mirror. I am ashamed of my own reflection and I cannot change it. I needed control over my world. It fell apart and shattered. I did not have the energy to pick up the pieces." Ziva's confession took Abby by surprise. Abby knew Ziva still thought of Tali and Ari. She had not known that Ziva had been the one to tell the elder sister of the victim's death, and that made her want to strangle Gibbs or Tony or whoever had the misfortune of arriving first. She didn't know Ziva still felt guilty for the death of her siblings.

"It wasn't your fault, Zi. You could not have prevented Tali's death. Ari's death was not your fault either. Shh." Abby said, silencing the Israeli. "It is not your fault because he was not the man you once knew. He was not your brother in Gibbs' basement. He was a terrorist and you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your family. I am so sorry you had to handle this case. I can't make that better, but please I want to help you. Please let me help you. How long have you been cutting?"

"I started again two and a half months ago." At that moment the doctor entered the room and quickly apologized for the conversation he interrupted.

"Miss David, we would like to keep you here overnight for observation. I also want you to see a therapist who specializes in trauma and self-harm. I have names of some colleagues if you would like to utilize those resources. If you would like to use an NCIS appropriate option that is also okay. I don't want you to return to work for at least a work. Your wounds will take a while to heal. You did quite a bit of damage. I'm starting you on an antibiotic to be taken twice a day with meals to prevent infection. Do you have any questions?"

"No sir. Thank you." Ziva responded.

Gibbs appeared behind the doctor and asked to speak with the other gentleman outside.

"Ziva, do you want to stay at my place?"  
"Thank you, Abby, but there is nothing wrong with my apartment, so I will be fine."

"Let me rephrase. Ziva, please stay at my apartment for my sake. I know you feel the need to be independent and prove that you can take care of yourself on your own, but I need to know you are okay. If you want, I'll come stay at your apartment for awhile, but please Ziva."

"Okay, Abigail. We will stay at your apartment. I need to stop by a get a few things."

Gibbs reentered the room and moved to Ziva's bedside.

"Ziver, you scared us."  
"I know."  
"Abby, could you give us a moment alone?"  
"Gibbs," Abby started to protest, but was silenced by a look on his face.

"There's a Caf Pow outside with your name on it." Gibbs responded with a soft smile. Once Abby was outside the sliding door, Gibbs looked at his agent, and whispered his nickname for her. She refused to look at him. He took two fingers and gently lifted her chin so their eyes were at the same level. She flinched away slightly.

"Ziver, look at me. I'm not going to hurt you." Just having to say that caused his heart to break. In their dysfunctional family, Gibbs considered Abby and Ziva to be his daughters and would give the world to protect them. "Come on Ziva. Let me see those beautiful eyes."

After a second and a deep breath, Ziva met his gaze. "There's the girl I've missed so much. Ziva, what happened?"  
"I was overwhelmed. I needed control. I needed a release from the memories." He gently swiped a piece of hair from her place, tugging it carefully behind her ear and waited for her to continue. "I did not deserve to be saved."  
"Did you think anyone was going to check on you?"  
Her answer came so silently that Gibbs nearly missed it. "No." It was more of a breath than any other sound.

"Ziva, you would have died." Ziva could only nod and Gibbs' heart shattered into even more pieces. "You wanted to die? You didn't trust anyone of us enough to find help? Were you fixated on the idea that you could fix everything? I want to understand."

"I miss Tali. I miss the Ari I once knew."

"So you were going to leave us with the same pain you have now? That doesn't sound like you Ziver."  
"Jethro, please. I do not want to talk about it. I do not understand, so I cannot possibly make you understand. Ask Abby. She seems to be able to understand me more than I even understand myself sometimes." With that she turned over, leaving her back to the older man. He placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered, "We need you here, Ziver. That's something you need to understand. We need you." He left her to her thoughts as he went to go find Abby.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Gibbs found Abby sitting cross-legged on an ugly spotted couch in the waiting room.

"Abs, how are you?"  
"My best friend almost died and didn't think she deserved a friend. I am doing fucking awesome."

"I know you are angry."

"I am not angry, Gibbs. Oh wait. I am angry. You made her tell that woman about her sister. You knew about Tali. You didn't draw the connections! YOU ALWAYS DRAW THE CONNECTIONS GIBBS! You see what no one else sees! Why didn't you see this? Why?" Abby had angry tears streaming down her face as she hugged her knees to her chest. Gibbs put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his body.

"I don't know, Abs. I don't know why I didn't see it. I should have and I don't know why I didn't. Ziva doesn't want to talk to me. What did you two talk about? Did she explain what happened?"

"She still feels guilty about Tali and Ari. She was overwhelmed and in pain. She said she didn't deserve help or my friendship. She's ashamed of herself and feels out of control. Gibbs, Ziva didn't know anyone was going to go by her apartment. She would have died. Oh my god." She said in horror as the realization hit her. "This wasn't just cutting. She wanted to die." Abby clung to Gibbs' shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.

He rubbed soothing circles on her back and held her as her body wracked with sobs. "Everything will be okay. We are going to help her. Breathe, Abs. Deep breaths. It will all be okay." He whispered comforting words in Abby's ear on a running loop until she was exhausted and could cry no more.

"She agreed to stay at my apartment for awhile. I'm sure the doctor told you a week off work plus mandatory shrink sessions and antibiotics. I just hope she lets someone in, Gibbs. God I hope she lets her wall down long enough for someone to help her, even if it's not me or you at this point."

"Abby, you love her, don't you?"  
"Of course, she's my best friend."  
"I don't mean like that and you know it." Abby blushed, gave a slight nod, and returned to Ziva's room, where the Israeli lay curled in the hospital bed fingering her bandages.

Gibbs smirked after her and knew at that moment that everything would be okay.


End file.
